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:: RPG Source :: View Review :: FF8: Chicks Dig Assholes.

FF8: Chicks Dig Assholes.
Nice guys finish last - a universal law implying that in order to get pussy, you cant be one. Finally an in-depth plot centered around one character I can finally relate with a complete prick.

Final Fantasy VIII grossed more than both its predecessor and successor within the Final Fantasy series. Its theme song, Eyes On Me placed number seven on the Japanese Pop Top 10 list. It was the first of its kind to introduce a realistic approach towards the graphical representation of its characters; a trend followed by many major developers since then. Yet one of its more popular accomplishments seems to go unnoticed its realistic portrayal of the fact that you cant save the world with a pansy-ass heart of gold.

A monument to the apathetic attitude most would like to have in the face of adversity stands Squall Leonhart. A cold, methodical, calculated, reticent killer and chick magnet with a force more powerful than a MRI magnet cooled in liquid helium. He doesnt cry about his father or lack thereof; he doesnt focus such menial miscreantism such a thievery during battle; and he sure as hell wouldnt waste his cash buying bullshit flowers from street trash. Squalls philosophy is concrete in the beginning, Im looking out for me and mine. This is not so dissimilar from his adversary, who holds the same theory dear, yet with a far brasher and, on occasion, intriguing attitude. The chemistry for an intense yet enthralling rivalry.

The opening was more than satisfactory. A combination of cut-scenes, sword fighting, magic, beaches, flying stuff, zip flash sound effects, and spermicide - not really, that commercial was just on again. It was the motion that caught my eye above all. The realistic hand swipes and blocking, that was rumored to have won awards, dazzled me like Michael Jackson flipping through a Baby Gap catalogue. Unfortunately Square didnt do the same with their general graphics. The in-game characters looked polygon ridden, and flawed. Arms and the likes typically seemed to transverse through walls, or randomly loose a section of their clothing due to bugs. It was slightly annoying, but I persevered through mere apathy.

A flaw much more evident than character models was the game play. Aside from the grueling 279 hour battle with Ultimecia, the game lacked very few difficult areas. Some may even say that it didnt contain any difficult pitfalls, but on the contrary, theyre fucking stupid. Several areas I found to be hard were events such as the Ultima Weapon, the bridge scene during the prison escape, and unlocking every ability within the floating castle. The only problem with these parts is that most are optional courses that can be taken in the game. If Square had possibly limited the amount of times you can call upon your GFs maybe that would have significantly raised the difficulty factor of the game. Most would also criticize the Draw system, although I found no real fault with it. In fact, I ran out of spells on fewer occasions than I had in any FF previous. The game play is where most conflicts arise between FF fans. You can either sit their and whine about it or you can focus on.

The plot. A young student recently graduated from a school of mercenaries embarks on a journey to save the world. The real gem though is the fact that he really doesnt care. FF8 contained what I thought was the most appealing storyline ever created for its fans. Considering a good deal of the people that purchase their games are teenagers, FF8 contained all the necessary emotions of any high school drama coupled with the action and attitude that every young male desires. Because lets face it, the Final Fantasy series hadnt received equal gender attention until it went mainstream America with the release of FF7. The character interaction gave the plot its real necessary shine though. The ability to choose whether you want to lend a helping hand or tell your buddy to fuck off was what made the plot shine. This feature alone gave you the option of playing with Squall, the well-mannered quiet lad, or Squall the callous asshole that would rather tell you to fuck off than listen to anything you have to say. Obviously, I chose the latter.

I cant say Im really a huge fan of elevator music. The sound was a roller coaster of entertainment and embarrassment. The scenes that boomed intense opera music heightened my attention to the game while the muzak crap on the world map nearly put me into a coma. It was Eyes On Me that really broke free of the games sound trend. A touching melody about womans lost love rang through the speakers during some of the games most emotional periods. I mean, not like that kind of shit would get to me or anything. I was too busy polishing my testosterone to really hear it all that well. Its because of that title and others like Liberi Fatali that liberate it from true criticism, because its my belief that the pro far outweighs the con in this situation.

In closing, Zell was a faggot. Think about it. He had a tidy room, a fascination with hot-dogs, never showed any remote interest in girls, and used attacks such as Dolphin Blow. Aside from that, Final Fantasy 8 rings true as one of my favorite games solely on the fact that it fed my need for attention and entertainment better than most titles can manage even today. Squall Leonhart gave me everything I wanted to see in a main character. The Shadow from FF6 reborn for a larger role. Not only did this game focus on a realistic approach to heroes, but it showed that women will always flock to the prick. Irvine, Zell? They got nowhere. Squall and Seifer were the ones constantly bombarded with attention. Women flocked to them like gays to a Barbara Streisand concert. So on that next occasion where youre unsure of how to win over that lady of your desire, just think W.W.S.D. What Would Squall(or Seifer) Do?

By Seiken (15/1/2004)

<Knightmare> How about I just sleep with your sister instead? :D <Autumn> she's a lesbian. it wouldn't work out. <Knightmare> I'm pretty girly, it may work out ;_;

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